New Year, New ME!
In the very beginning of March, in the 29th year if my life, I choose to be truly me. I know it’s cliche when people blurt the phrase, “New Year, New ME,” but as I live at the tail end of being 28, I long for the future. I look forward to new journeys, and new experiences, but along with that, future me. Who am I really, and what do I want people to think or to know when they meet me? That my friends, is the next step, but let me first recount what has already been in these long 8.5 years.
This year, and while I know I’m off to a late start, I choose to become who I want to be for the rest of my life (or at least my 30s). Oof, that feels so hard to say as my 20s seemed to whizzzz right past me. But to say they have been uneventful would be a lie. Starting off at 22 in losing one of the biggest cheerleaders and influences in my life I would ever have, my mother. She was always there when I needed her for support, and sympathy. But while her painful fight in the year prior was long and hard, she was finally at peace. I will never forget what she had done for me for the first 22 years of my life. I hope to never disappoint her, and make her proud. Love you Mom!
Secondly, coming out publicly as Bisexual to not only my friends, but my family was hard. I knew who I was, but something about the fear of further persecution from those around me kept me hiding. But to my surprise when I finally did come out, I was greeted with love and acceptance more than I had ever imagined. And while it felt a bit uneasy to try being my true self out in the open, I have gained such a supportive group of fellow LGBTQIA+ friends in my life because of it! My best friend in the world is also a part of the community which has made me feel supported, and loved for the past 6 years as well and I can never thank her enough for all the kind words and advice she has passed along because of that. Liz, you are the best!
Then became the quest to find where I fit in the best. Where did I want to live and grow for the rest of my life? Upon talking to cousins from Nebraska, they invited me to try and find my peace in Omaha. There I designed my own workspace/ling space and took driving lessons courtesy of my cousin, but to no avail…I still felt a little out of place. Hoping to soothe some loneliness in a new land, I adopted my best fur friend and most loyal hound dog buddy, Ollie! And while I finally had a dog to keep me company, something about California just kept calling me back, so I thanked my cousins for the personal growth I had accomplished in Nebraska and I scampered back to my place of origin, Orange County! And once I returned, it was truly obvious I could NEVER leave the beautiful weather and warmth California has to offer. After dealing with -14 degree blizzards and snow piles in Nebraska (in snow for the first time in my life mind you) I knew I was a summer guy through and through. So I made California my permanent residence, moving back in with my dad to reboot my life, but now as the father to a new fur kid, my Ollie! And thanks to him, he’s made me grow up a WHOLE lot and find the responsibility to understand what it’s like to take care of something OR someone other than myself. Love you Ollie-bear!
Now home once more, I looked to gain a new perspective on life and establish a living. So thankfully as I was in Nebraska, I did a little job hunting and luckily came back to California with a job offer from the “MOUSE.” Yep, you guessed it, I quickly became a cast member at the “Happiest Place On Earth,” Disneyland…as a cashier and all around people pleaser. So, there I stayed for a year and a half trying to find my own happiness with the help of a new group of friends and new life experiences during my own time at the park. I learned the art of Disney Pin Trading, and gained a new appreciation for the classical art of Disney Animation. And while I did feel happy for a short time, it didn’t last long so I separated ways with the mouse to seek my own truth. And WOW, did it take a long time to get another job after that, that I sank my teeth back into the commercial retail world of Target guest service for a short time period while I figured out my options for what came next. And even while working at Target for the time being seemed like a safe place, I longed to be back with the mouse. It was then that I got the lovely call from a family friend that they needed another cashier…at a caricature art booth in the park! So, I returned back home in the place where Magic exists: Disneyland!
Finally working back in the place where I felt the most welcome, I quickly learned all the skills I needed to close a register, tend to the artists and make the most magic as I possibly could for the guests. Eventually I became established in the most easy going job I have ever had and full time to boot, so now it was time to take care of myself! For the past 10 years, my wisdom teeth have been the bane of my existence. Pushing my other teeth to the sides and causing me some of the worst pain of my life, I looked into the dark world of Oral Surgery to rid me of my agony. Finally finding someone to take these awful white rocks out of my mouth was a fun journey (he said sarcastically)! Thanks to the help of an experienced Oral Surgeon, I was able to expel the ancient terrors out of my mouth that had been digging their way into my jaws making it difficult to chew and exist. Now was the fun part: healing! For the next 3 weeks, I lived on pudding, sherbet, and happy thoughts. Though, when I tell you the happiness I experienced when an oral technician told me I could drink coffee again, I almost passed out from pure joy. Over the last couple years of my life, I have gained quite an immense addiction to the brown caffeinated life juice of cafe goodness and having to live without it (mind you for my own health and healing) was hell! So now that I had finally gained the green light on going back to regular food and my morning coffee, healing could at last begin. And after a month of swishing, syringing, and monitoring the holes on the back of my mouth, I can say I am 80% healed! Phew, that was a fun side quest!
So now I sit here drinking coffee and establish was is next, what do I want to accomplish before I reach the big 3-0? While I need to fix the damage on the rest of my teeth that my past wisdom teeth wrecked their havoc on, I look to improve my inner self along with them. I also look to improving my own physical form to the identity I wish to achieve. I am currently looking at new haircuts to try, and maybe an ear piercing appointment (that I have wanted to do for almost 15 years now). Do I get a tattoo, or maybe I need to take one thing at a time? Now established in a job where I am allowed to sit and draw in my free time while I am surrounded by some of the most talented artists I have ever met and had the pleasure to work with, I look to improve upon my own drawing skills and maybe dream of the day where I can become a Disney Artist which has always been a goal of mine. For now, life is good, but what is next?
Sitting impatiently on the brink of 29, I look back at all of the amazing things I have done. Thanks to my best friend, I’ve been skydiving, I’ve swam with otters, and I even went to my first concert: Paramore! I have lived the last 8 years of my life looking for adventure at every turn! But now, I also look to kickstart my 30s in the way I have always wanted in EVERY aspect of the definition. Who do I want to be, what do I want to look like, and what do I want to do with my life? My 20s have truly been a learning experience for me in more ways than one and I hope to grow with every single thing that life has taught me to be the best I can be in my 30s. So, 29 here I come! Get a load of me!
